Just want to make sure that I am not faking anything..
I have faked too much…
That is what I was thinking when I reached to the point that I cannot stop crying while watching the film today at the theater.
But besides, no matter how faithful I have been to myself or not enough,
here is what this movie taught me,
women are great, and being a woman is amazing.
I should watch this film over and over again whenever I find any kind of misogyny towards myself. I am sure that then I can forget about it.
Though I was crying for almost the whole time in the latter half of the movie,
the first scene that made me cry was the scene where Jo stayed with Beth on the shore and read a story for her.
Then I realized that what I had been touched from the entire “something” of this movie besides the story line was that..
I miss women, I miss all my female friends and female friendship.
The beautiful soul of each of the sisters and their relationships, and the MOTHER played by Laura Dern…
It just truly made me realize how female relationship has been important to me.
As a 30 year old who got ‘married’ with a male partner (*Technically I am not ‘married’ though. We only have common-law marriage relationship to avoid changing surname) and is currently struggling in decision making for my career,
there are just too many things that hit me in this film and they were literally everything that I am worried of and I question in my daily life right now.
It is not easy to share my true feelings as being a woman with him,
I wonder if I have been really faithful to myself,
I wonder if I have been faking myself or faking something to him..
I sometimes truly believe I would be a different person if I get out of this home..
What if.. I chose the different option
What if I had an idea being partners with a woman
What if…
This film is such an ‘evil’ that pulls all of these secret thoughts of mine into tears.
Phew..!!
I am so glad that I went to see this one at the theater today.
I am sure that this would stay as one of the most important films for me and I will be inspired forever.
Thank you so so so much to all the creators for delivering this story to the world.
Let’s just save the words that Ellie Chu delivered right here.
Love isn’t patient and kind and humble.
Love is.. messy. And horrible and selfish and.. bold.
It’s not finding your perfect half.
It’s the trying, reaching, and failing.
Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one.
Here are also some great words from the actress Leah Lewis, who played her :
“Most people think a love story has an equation, and that’s usually boy meets girl, girl meets boy, or girl meets girl,”
“It’s a self-love story because these characters don’t really end up with each other, but at the very end, they end up with something. For me, that’s even more valuable than just finding your other half; it’s finding a part of yourself along the way. It is a love story, it’s just not a ‘romance’ story.”
Big respect to the writer, director of the story, Alice Wu.
Ellie’s story is now seen by millions of people, and so many people are feeling safe, because of your work that you tried to deliver your own story out to this world.
When I’m writing, I never think to myself,
“What will the audience think about this?”
The really interesting question is,
“What is the thing you’re dying to say through this character?”
Because you’re the only person who can write that thing.
So write that thing. Don’t write the thing that somebody else could write.
Thank you so much to all my friends who keep me educated. Since I was not really online active since the quarantine began and was not even reading things a lot being so exhausted from the work. Just having started thinking of better life for myself seriously (yea I finally got determined to quit my current job asap), I came back a little to the online last week, and now this. So many powerful statements of my friends around the world make me educated, empowered and they make me feel that I want to learn more and more, use my time for the things that I really care, and get myself back, again. Thank you.